Aug
26
WRITTEN BY:
Nicolas El-Debs
Thursday, 26 August 2010
In my last post I introduced the DISC Personality System and how this impacts on communication. Understanding the role personality plays, enables better understanding of how we need to communicate with our audiences.
This week, I want to share four skills for being a good communicator and portraying a message effectively. Yes. Good communication is a skill. So, what skills do good communicators use?
1. Body language
Did you know that over 80% of our communication is interpreted through our body language? ‘SOLER’ is an acronym used to explain the elements of body language:
- S → Sit square on
- O → Open posture
- L → Lean forward just slightly
- E → Eye contact
- R → Relaxed
Using this technique ensures we are showing others we are interested in what they’re saying. Being aware of non-verbal communication and observing other’s responses, enables us to modify our communication to suit.
I should have applied this many years ago as I missed out on my first kiss and was dumped for it—so it is important.
2. Active listening
‘Active listening’ means listening to others, giving them our attention, maintaining eye contact with them and asking questions. It does not mean interrupting to convey that you know exactly what they mean—I do that a great deal.
The key skill here is paraphrasing not parrot-phrasing. Do listen and paraphrase; don’t interrupt and repeat what others say. The reason for paraphrasing is to check for understanding by putting in your own words what you understood from the other person. Good paraphrasing may start with:
- It sounds as if ...
- Am I correct in saying ...
- In other words ...
3. Questioning techniques
When asking questions, avoid closed questions. Ask open questions.
Also, don’t ask the ‘why’ question, as you’ll likely get the ‘because’ answer or a negative response. Instead, use questions starting with ‘who’, ‘what’, ‘when’, ‘where’ and ‘how’.
Take this remark, for example:
They will never support that idea.
A good response to this would be:
What could we do to make them support the idea?
The ‘what’ question is an example of a solution question, and it’s an open question. This automatically produces a constructive (solution) response, like:
In the proposal, we should add additional case studies of real-life projects that have been successful.
There was a problem, but by asking the ‘what’ question instead of the ‘why’ we seem to be on the way to a resolution instead of reinforcing the problem.
4. Assertiveness
This is very important; we need to be confident and assertive as it allows us to address our own needs while respecting the needs and rights of others. We need to consider the situation (what is wrong), the behaviour (what we’re seeing) and the impact (what it’s causing).
Avoid saying ‘you’ and say ‘I’. There may be a plausible reason for a person’s behaviour other than a lack of consideration for others. So, you want to make your point without blaming or putting someone else down.
Last word
Becoming a better communicator is a skill. Just like any other skill in life, it’s important to repeat them until we’re comfortable with them. It may even feel awkward at the start.
Whilst writing these two blogs I’ve come to realise that these are skills that I need to continue practising, and that practising makes me a better communicator. I’m glad to have shared these skills with you and hope you take them on and practise too. I believe our workplaces would be all the better for it.